identity struggles

When I began this blog, I wanted it to be focused on my inner journey as I go along this path of teacher training. What I have found is that I struggle to relate my experiences, particularly as they involve my work. So often I find myself wanting to post something but feeling that this may not be professional or in service of the children, and I stay silent. I need to think on the direction of this blog more, but in the meantime I will probably post more updates about the kids and other goings on.

In the last month, we graduated a class of seniors, had a wonderful 8th Grade commencement ceremony, moved the classes into their new rooms, finished up end of year meetings, and wrote reports. Now I have switched hats again, being full time at home with the children (except for the occasional meeting) and preparing to go for teacher training oh so very soon. I struggle to balance all these parts of my life, but I'm keeping my preparation work to early mornings, times when the kids won't miss me, and evenings. It will have to be enough.

The Hobbit turned seven a couple of weeks ago. A few days before her birthday she looked at me and said thoughtfully: "You know mom, I'm really not such a little girl anymore. I'm getting to be quite big." Yes, you are! And yet you are always my baby. Two years ago I was told by a Native American Elder that if she lived to be seven (given her many health issues), it meant that her soul wanted to stay here a good long while. I sure hope so. We are so blessed to have her in our lives. She has quite a strong (choleric) personality and lives life fully. Whether she paints, plays a game, bats at a ball or swings from the monkey bars, she is fully engaged in what she is doing, and always up for a new adventure. Life with the hobbit has been very unpredictable, but she has brought so much joy into our lives as well. Yes, maybe I should write more about my family.

say aaaaah........ achoooo!

My research paper is done, so I feel I finally have some time to get back to writing about more trivial things than what has occupied me in recent months. Unfortunately I am currently in a state of constant brain clog and sneezyness because of the insanely high oak pollen count in our area. One more week, and I should be able to go outside again.

Aren't you thrilled you got to read this today? It appears my writing muscles have atrophied. As, apparently have my teaching muscles. With a visitor in my classroom this last week, it soon became painfully obvious that my mind has not been on providing the children with a quality experience in weeks. The paper that never seemed to end eclipsed all else, and now it's time to clean house, sit down and plan, and get back to the things I do well more consciously. Oh yes, and like my husband mentioned, perhaps it's also time to getting back to being a wife and mother. Ouch.

So where have I been? Knee deep in Steiner of course, reading up on all things concerning love, relationships, karma, marriage and so on. This has deepened my understanding of anthroposophy in many ways that are still emerging. It also allowed me to look at my own relationships through different lenses, and has given me some new (much needed) skills in that area, I think.

One question that continues to occupy me is how training institutions for Waldorf teachers can help bridge the transition to a life informed by anthroposophy in a way that may be experienced more gently than is perhaps the case for a lot of people. It would be lovely if some courses included work on one's relationships in the context of anthroposophy, how to bring along or work with a partner or spouse who may have a very different spiritual path. Hmmm, this will continue to percolate for a while.

But spring is here, new beginnings, new projects and hopefully some new energy - as soon as the sneezing stops!